i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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