My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I have feelings that need drinking.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
