if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
