I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
