And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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