I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
