We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
