I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
