In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
