No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
