You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Randomize