3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Randomize
