She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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