he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Randomize