I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
