matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Randomize
