So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
