No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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