You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I see more hoeing in ur future
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
