Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
