Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
