whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
