Michael Bay diarrhea
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
