He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
