Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
