i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
you didnt know i had herpes?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
