I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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