I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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