he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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