I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
