the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.