I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i came on her dog
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.