omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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