Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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