I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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