mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
