the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
