what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
