This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
