He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
