I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
