Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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