My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
