Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
