Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You've changed since you got that strap on
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
