I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
