Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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