Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
