Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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