Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Also, beer. Big fan.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
