I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
false alarm, still single
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
