Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
