Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
