That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
