Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
