Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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