my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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