just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
