sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
P.S. I can't hear my feet
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
