I want to walk on stilts...naked
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
