tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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