Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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