Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
