btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
The uberlube is also flammable
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
