First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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