3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
