In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
