apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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