Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
